Holy Conversation: Listening to the Soul

" She leans in, eyes alive, body alert

Already she has extended her heart, holds it open,

Holds it towards you, holds your words with tender care.

Do you know how rare that is?"

---"Held" by Antoinette Voute Roeder, in  The Space Between

I started receiving spiritual direction (companioning) almost ten years ago and am so grateful for having someone to accompany me through the inevitable ups and downs of life. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without Teresa’s listening and loving presence. Spiritual direction has helped me discern the movements of Spirit in my life, whether struggling with difficult feelings and situations, or learning to trust and follow my soul’s purpose. Teresa has been a source of healing and inspiration for me, as I’ve unburdened and unpacked the many layers of my personality to reveal the essence of my soul.

     Spiritual Direction feels like a pilgrimage, slowing me down, and reminding me what’s truly important in my life. Teresa lives out in the country on the outskirts of Lethbridge, the small prairie city where I live. Riding my bike to her house has become a kind of sacred cleansing ritual. The circular movement of my legs meets the circuitous rhythm of my own breath, and my mind slowly begins to clear. As I leave the noise of the city behind, the fresh breeze on my face is like the touch of spirit on my skin, and the birdsong becomes a holy choir. The mountains to the west beckon like mecca, and it feels like I am riding towards a placeless place where the prairies meet the sky. This physical journey symbolizes the journey from the surface of my everyday life with all its uncertainty and messiness, to the depth and wisdom of the Divine presence that lives and breathes through all. A sign on a decorative stone in front of one of the sprawling acreages I pass points the way and invites me to “Imagine!”

Arriving at Teresa’s house set on the edge of these rugged coulees, I always take my time to admire her beautiful yard and view. A statue of St. Francis with hand extended, is a reminder of a simpler way of being that loves and honors life in all its myriad forms. A stone pathway winds gently amongst welcoming trees holding up an odd assortment of birdhouses from the graceful arc of their leafy green arms. Sparrows and flickers and robins are flitting from branch to branch, already in holy conversation amongst themselves. Beneath this hymn of birdsong is a waiting silence that invites me to slow down and listen more deeply.

I ring the doorbell, and Teresa is there, eyes shining, a blush of color in her cheeks, arms open and welcoming. She leads me into the cozy room where she offers spiritual direction, with windows on two sides, offering a view of the birds and the trees that have already welcomed me, and an occasional deer that stops to gaze with innocent doe eyes. Teresa lights a candle, and as the flame grows brighter, she often begins with a few words of meditation or prayer before we sit in companiable silence, waiting until I feel ready to share what’s on my heart and mind today.

From the very first time we met, it felt like we had known each other forever. The depth of relationship that is cultivated in spiritual companioning, goes beyond the usual boundaries of time and personality. It is an ancient and deep way of connecting in sacred relationship together. Teresa has a way of seeing and listening to me that creates a safe and loving space to explore whatever stories, or feelings, or questions are arising in my life. Together, there is a shared listening presence that is somehow able to discern the deeper essence and meaning beyond the questions and challenges I share from my everyday life. It is a journey from the outer surface of my life to the inner sanctuary of my heart.

Like most spiritual directors, Teresa has many spiritual gifts. She is like a conduit for Spirit to reveal deep wisdom, often through a poem or scripture that seems to speak directly to a question or problem I’m facing. This is divine mystery to me. Whether Mary Oliver, or Thich Nhat Hanh, or scripture, I have received so much guidance for my life, exactly when I need it.

Teresa’s pure voice often rises spontaneously out of silence in a melodic song or humming, becoming a wordless prayer that touches something deep in the essence of my soul. Thich Nhat Hanh often invites us to listen to the sound of the meditation bell with every cell of our body. This is how I listen to Teresa’s voice, and through her the voice of Spirit. It is the voice of Divine Love that enfolds us in sacred moments of mutual encounter. Somehow it is in these moments of presence that I find my own unique voice to offer to the world, both as a yoga teacher, and now as a Spiritual Director/Companion myself.

The spiritual companioning relationship is never a one-way street. Somehow my presence blesses Teresa as much as she blesses me, whether in laughter or tears. It is a sacred circle of giving and receiving through which Spirit flows effortlessly from soul to soul, from spiritual directors to those they serve, from generation to generation.

As I cycle home from Teresa’s, I always feel a sense of synchronicity, of being at exactly the right place at exactly the right time. It permeates my entire being. I feel the presence of God everywhere: in the fields of wheat, in the clear blue sky, in my soft and open heart. I realize the “inter-being” that my Buddhist teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh points to flows effortlessly through him, through Teresa, through Mary Oliver, through scripture, and through me. I realize that’s what a spiritual companion does. She is a vessel for Spirit, pointing us back to the universal love and wisdom that is already woven into our hearts, and that flows through all creation.